Find that Vein!

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen! Tonight's episode of "Find that Vein" will be brought to you tonight from an ambulance and an emergency room. Tonight's contestants consist of 6 EMTs and an ER nurse. All male. After 5 attempts by the EMTs they decided that they were wasting too much time and needed to get me to the emergency room before I passed out from lack of oxygen. The ER nurse got a vein in two sticks. Including the epinephrine I gave myself, the Benadryl shot the EMTs gave me, the extra epinephrine the EMTs gave me, and all the sticks attempting to find a vein, I had 11 needles in me last night. All because of popcorn.

So, I was sitting innocently paying attention to my biology lab professor when someone decided to pop some popcorn outside the classroom. So, a night in the ER was had. Poor husband was way across town at a friend's house with no car to get to me. My father-in-law picked me up from school. Got home. Their car was out of gas at that point, then the ambulance came--much to the amusement of the rubbernecking neighbors. Sparing the details, things were not fun Tuesday night. If I thought my husband was the mother-hen type before all this, he has definitely been promoted to Granny-hen. I can't really blame him there; the poor guy was a nervous wreck. How'd you like to get the phone call from your mother saying that she's shipping your wife off in an ambulance? Not fun. Add to that no readily available transportation to get to the hospital to see your wife. Yeah. Fun. It's a good thing I just smelled the corn and didn't ingest it. Things could have turned out a lot differently. A LOT differently. 2 years ago, almost to the exact date, I had an anaphylactic hospital experience in which I accidentally ate a lump of corn starch that I thought was cheese. That one was way worse than this one, but this one was still bad. I was hoping I was done with the anaphylaxis. I've been so careful. It sucks when everyone wants to go see a movie and I can't go to the theater, or something cool is on sale at Target but I can't go there because they pop as much popcorn as the movie theaters do. I cry on the inside.

I acquired a doctor's note that I will take to the disabilities office at school tomorrow. I expect a great fight to ensue, because people don't like to accommodate allergies. Especially ones as dire as this. But, with the doctor's note, it is illegal for them not to accommodate it. So, they better. And they better do something serious to anyone who violates it. I'm getting really really tired of this BS. 

Tomorrow is my weigh-in day. I'm not looking forward to it. Despite the fact I had an awesome time at Granny's things were less than ideal at the table. I didn't eat much, but what I did cost me a lot of points. A bad week. I will stand up, brush myself off, hold my head high (maybe) and march forward.

Whoosh

The weekend flew by, as they always do. We went to the farm for our barbecue...didn't happen. A downpour of nigh biblical proportions was had. So, we packed it up and headed back to town to cook everything in Granny's kitchen. Hubby was saying prayers the whole way down the "road". He didn't think it counted as a road. Ah well. Despite the fact I ate less than I normally would at one of those gatherings, I'm pretty sure I overspent every point I had those two days. Plus about 50. I have no idea how to gauge the point value of homemade french fries, burgers, sausage and pumpkin pie. So, I just assumed it all added up to like 90. Despite the unhealthy nature of the food, the nature of the get-together and family time was definitely healthy. We all had a great time.


I got a surprise check in the mail...a refund from the last university I attended. I'm all for surprise blessings like that. With part of the funds, I acquired a stand-mixer (not Kitchen-aid, but a very sturdy Sunbeam) for only $74.00 at Walmart. They were on clearance! Down from $150. I told the husband it was an anniversary present for us (married one whole year on Saturday 10/2). My reasoning to him was that if I had the stand mixer, he gets better pumpkin pies. I also got a pedometer to help me out along the way.

After Wal-mart purchasing, I finally was able to get the oil changed in my truck. It was only, oh, 23000 miles past due. Most likely. It'd been a very long time, since the truck was given to me by my dad, who never changed the oil but rarely. Finally able to afford it. Woot. THEN, I went and played some DDR for the first time in years. And, at 50 cents a game with an empty arcade I will be doing it again. And again. And again. I'm stoked about that. I managed to make it through 5 games before I called it quits. Each game lasts approximately 8 minutes from start to finish. Give or take. So, that's some pretty good aerobic exercise...even if I only played on light mode. I gotta get my endurance back up. Still, it's a start! And a form of exercise that I know I will do over and over again because I have so much fun doing it. Yay!! Not looking forward to my weigh-in on Thursday because of the weekend. But, when I'm down about it and trying so hard is when I really really need to go. So, I will. But I don't want to.

-0.8 and counting

I had my first weigh-in today at the WW meeting. I was down nearly a whole pound! This excites me, really, because I assumed I had gained weight. Maybe, just maybe, this whole thing will pay off. I'm trying to think of ways to reward myself at certain goals. For instance, every five pounds lost, I get to buy a CD or something else I want. I need some kind of token reward system for my poor materialistic brain to not get burned out just getting little yellow stickers from the meeting leaders. Albeit, stickers are pretty sweet. I'm feeling a little more positive about this venture, but I'm still hungry. This weekend, I will not be.

This weekend, the husband and I are going to visit my Daddy and my Granny. We are having a cookout over a fire at the farm! Those extra points that I am allotted to use every week will get used this weekend, and I'm all for it. Really. If you've had my dad's burgers, then you know. Yeah. You know. *insert waggly eyebrow* You. Know. I'm gonna eat one. And I'm gonna love it. It's also hubby's birthday. He wants a pumpkin pie, and I would love to make him one. However, there is NO pumpkin to be found in any of the grocery stores here. I mean, literally. No pumpkin. There are real carving pumpkins, which I could make pie out of, but that is a tedious chore. While I love my husband that much, I don't have all day to make a pie. I'm hoping I can find a can or two in the town where Daddy and Granny are.

This post is upbeat and happy thus far. I shall not ruin my decent mood by thinking of the trials of financial aid and all their burdens of unorganized idiocy. Yay, burgers!

Stupid hormones

So, yeah. First day of work was yesterday. Let me tell you, I am disappointed and more than a little angry. This corporation, which will remain nameless, is supposed to be a good Christian corporation. So, I go in with my expectations raised higher than they would be otherwise. I was actually appalled at the behaviour of most of the employees. Swearing. Lewd comments to each other. Kicking and throwing merchandise at each other. All of this IN FRONT OF CUSTOMERS. Flabbergasted. Irked on the customers' behalf. I saw one woman looking disdainfully at them while they were carrying on like that. I apologized to her profusely, but no one else seemed to notice her malcontent with their attitudes and behaviours. Now, I get retail is not really fun. I understand that it is less than ideal. But, seriously, it's your job to make sure the customer is treated right. I'm not saying the customer is always right, by any means. Just treat them right. Also, they don't want to work with my corn allergy. Meaning, no popcorn in the break room. Don't pop it. Don't bring it. Don't eat it. It will kill the new girl. Their response? "Just carry your epi-pen with you." Uh. Yeah. With each use of the epi-pen comes a trip to the emergency room for benadryl drips and oxygen tanks. Real smooth, guys. My husband is telling me over and over again to just call them up and tell them it's not going to work out and find another nanny/babysitting job. That'd be ideal, really. I came home in so much pain yesterday, from cystic action on the ovaries and standing on my feet for ten hours. I couldn't get out of bed to go to my classes this morning. I just couldn't physically do it. That's not something I normally do. I don't skip school just because I hurt or something. I'm really tougher than that. My body is already starting to reject this business. So, I have a fun choice to make. Quit or don't.

Add to all that my hormones going crazy. I mean really crazy. I've been crying at the drop of a hat the past two days. Usually when I see someone holding a baby or hear someone mention they are pregnant or see baby commercials. It's really annoying. I also seem to be making myself out to be a martyr when I don't have to. I've got to get over that. My poor husband held me while I cried last night and told him how unappreciated and unloved I felt because I went to school full time and started working so we could eat and have food. And that it's not too much to ask for a backrub when I come home exhausted and hurting and crying. So, maybe I should just quit this job if it's causing this much trouble after only one day. It doesn't seem to bode well for the future. I'm not sure what I'm going to do, really. I just don't know. I do know I have a ton of homework I need to do, that isn't going to ever get done if I try to work at the same time. I need to kick some butt on the financial aid front at the university so that I can get it and move on.

I really want to get out of this stupid, depressing, hormonal funk. It seems to be the worst around the 20th of each month. I guess if I were normal, I'd be getting a period. Since I'm not normal, I'm just getting the side effects with no results to show for my anguish. Pisses me off and makes me want to cry.

I'm having no luck on the points thing, it seems. I'm told I will be pleasantly surprised at my weigh-in on Thursday morning, but I imagine I will break down in tears. Here's hoping for the best.

One day at a time...

 Today has been a little better in terms of eating. Eating in general. With the exception of the green beans I ate, today has been a remarkable exercise in the futility of weight loss. Two burgers, albeit small, some chips and a few pretzel bites worked their way into my system. Even with all of that, I just made my points allotment. Is that good or bad? I don't know. I've been told I need to eat them all, but that's what was available today, and I'm still hungry. Kinda. I'm getting hungry, though it's been about three hours since I've eaten. Maybe that's progress. I don't expect to tip the scale in the right way this week, but here's hoping.

I've been stressing myself, internally, over starting a new job on Monday. It doesn't seem like it will be a hard job. I mean, it's retail. It's definitely not rocket surgery. The last time I worked and went to school I wound up in the hospital from the stress. At that time, I was working two full-time jobs and going to school full-time. This is just a part-time job. For now. But, ever since that time, I can't push my body to those extremes any more. I literally mean I cannot do it; not that I won't do it. My body sees that level of stress coming, throws up its hands and balks at all the red warning lights and sirens and shuts down. Way down. So, I'm worried that will happen again. I don't want my poor husband to have to go through that with me. Too much stress = bad things all around. Add to that my school is being especially dumb and slow in processing my financial aid. A month into the semester, and I still have no aid and haven't paid any part of my tuition and borrowed money for my books (one of which they refused to order for me, and I still don't have) and and and...yeah, so on and so forth.

So, perhaps it is time for a new strategy. I need to think of something positive and happy in my life before I fall asleep tonight. *thinking* *thinking* Let's see...I have a roof over my head, three crazy furbabies who love me, a husband who must REALLY love me to put up with me thus far, as far as in-laws go I'm doing really well, I'm alive and functioning, I've got great friends who support me, a niece and nephew who love my company...yeah, I guess I'm doing all right.

So, here I am.

Here I am, on the road again. Or for the first time. I'm really not sure which. I, upon doctor's orders, have joined Weight Watchers. I need to lose about 115 pounds. This should be fun. I need help, though. If I hold myself accountable to myself...it will all go to pot. Why? I am a master at self-sabotage. I mean, I'm really, really good at it. The long-term goal of possible child conception isn't even good enough to turn my mind around. I've tried. I really have. As independent as I am on most things in my life, I am terribly dependent and need moral support for something that I have struggled with my whole life due to polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). My worst enemy. I've been teased and made fun of and laughed at and ridiculed behind my back and to my face for being fat and ugly. I want to lose the weight for my health, not mere vanity. Diabetes runs like a mad river in my family on both sides. My mother and my brother have both had gastric bypasses. I don't want to go that route. In fact, the idea of elective surgery is detestable to me. Anyway, yeah. Moral support. Just drop in, say a word or two of encouragement and help me on my way. Please.

I'm on day three of this POINTS business. My struggle is not overdoing the points, but rather, I don't eat enough of them. Even not changing my eating habits, I don't reach enough points. My issue is only eating once a day, because that's what I have in the house. So, of course, my body is nigh in a state of starvation. That's always helpful when one is trying to lose weight.

I did buy frozen vegetables today, which is good; or so I am told. I even met my points goal! Because my father-in-law bought me lunch from Dairy Queen, which ate up over half of them. Then I made cupcakes with my niece, and ate one. There went a few more. Then I ate dinner! And I used all but one of my points! All very unhealthy food. At least I ate, right?

I'm sure posts will get better as time goes on and I get the flow of my writing back. It's been so long since I've written anything other than papers and school work. Whee.